BookQuest

Terry Newman's Bookish Newsletter

I’m Terry Newman, author of romantic comedies with a splash of fantasy. Thank you for visiting my newsletter where I talk about my writing, books, and topics that have grabbed my attention.

So, every month I facilitate a monthly writing group. We read what we’ve written between meetings and usually write off of prompts after that. One of the prompts in last month’s group was this: Write about a god desperately trying to get their chosen hero to follow the path they set out for them.

This is the story I started. It’s not completed. Yet. But I had so much fun writing it, I just might keep going. Just to be clear, I know it’s absurd. Please let me know what you think of it. And I hope it makes you laugh.

The Quest(ion)

“Hey, Dick!” A voice boomed, waking Rick up from a sound sleep.

“What? Who’s there?” He looked around the room. He lived alone—so whose voice? As the grogginess slowly lifted…no, not again…

“Dick, I have a quest for you.” The voice was so loud the walls shook.

“Look, Bob,” Rick said as patiently as he could, “my name is Rick.”

“I am Bob, god of Bowling Alleys, and I will call you what I see fit.”

Rick sighed. He’d been through this before. Bob, god of bowling alleys, was a rather recent addition to the council of gods. Okay, not really. He had been known as Robert, god of accounts receivable, but there was that little issue of embezzlement going on right in front of his eyes.

“Dick, I know you think that issue of embezzlement was my fault.”

“Bob, they downgraded you., Maybe in the 1950s, god of bowling alleys was a big deal. But my god—and not you—we are a quarter way through the twenty-first century.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Rick sighed.

“Doesn’t time fly when you’re immortal?”

Bob cleared his throat. “Anyway, I have chosen you for this quest. You, Rick Jamieson as the Chosen One.”

Rick climbed out of bed and stretched. “Yeah, yeah. Just like the other six quests you sent me on. And all of them failed.”

Rick walked into the bathroom and started the shower.

“Okay, so maybe those quests were—”

Rick laughed. “Seriously flawed. That’s what they were.” He stepped into the shower, the water pelting him.

“Listen, I’ve learned from my mistakes,” Bob said.

“Hey, I’m taking a shower here. Show some respect.”

“No can do, Dick.”

“It’s Rick.”

“We gods are all-knowing, all-seeing.”

“If you are all-knowing how come you didn’t know your previous missions were flawed? Seriously flawed.”

“Hey, the plan sounded good at the time.”

“And,” Rick continued, “if you’re all-seeing, how come you didn’t see that embezzlement scheme playing our right before your eyes?”

“Now you’re hitting low.” Bob sighed.

Rick shut off the shower. And wrapped himself in a towel.

“Look, you have to help me.” Bob said.

“I do? Give me one good reason.” Rick got himself dressed. He prayed—not to Bob, god of bowling alleys—that he wasn’t going to get bamboozled into going on another stupid quest.

“The gods job board has an opening for god of health food stores.”

“And you want me to take it? Become Rick god of health food stores? Sure, I can do that.”

“No, I want you to help me get that promotion.”

“What happened to the other god?”

“He retired. He’d been in the spot for forty years. Watched over the stores from when they were nothing more than strange little holes in malls to the huge conglomerates they are today. He leaving them in good shape.”

“I see.” Rick headed for the kitchen. Talking to gods, even minor ones, like Bob, made him hungry. The only problem was Bob followed him.

“But, here’s the catch, Rick,—”

“It’s Dick—wait no, you got that right.”

“I know. I have to find an object. A rare and sacred object. And I can’t do it alone.” Bob sighed. The sound of pins being hit by a bowling ball echoed throughout the house.

“Hey, you did that?” Rick looked up from his cereal.

“Yup, that happened when I became Bob, god of—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re the god of.” Rick put down his spoon. “So what’s this rare and sacred object?”

“The Eternally Ripe Avocado.” Bob snapped his fingers and a pair of bowling shoes appeared on Rick’s feet. “You’re now endowed with the Holy Bowling Shoes to guide our way. Are you ready?”

“I haven’t agreed to anything.”

“Yet.” Bob smiled and snapped his fingers again.

Murphy’s Laws Takes 5th Place… And It’s on Sale!

Murphy’s Laws, my latest romantic comedy, came in fifth place in the National Excellent in Story Telling (NEST) contest sponsored by the Central Region Oklahoma Writers (CROW). See what they did there? Clever.

• And just in time for Beach Reads Season (yes, it’s a real thing) Murphy’s Laws is now only $0.99 on KOBO until the end of July. Grab your copy now and pack it in your vacation bag.

• What? You say you aren’t going anywhere? Well, grab a copy anyway and let the beach come to you. Bookcation, if you will.

• Click here for the KOBO link.

• And here’s the universal link. If you’re not on KOBO, the regular price of the book is only $2.99. That’s what I call a cheap vacation.

Save the Date: Aug. 16

If you live in the northeast Ohio area, save this date: Aug. 16. The Book Nook’s Indie Author, Artist, and Maker Market on the square in Warren, Ohio.

• I’ll be there with all of my books. I’m excited for this event and I hope to see you there. Fingers crossed there’s no rain!

What I’m Reading…

A lot. I’ve started three books.

• Last month, I told you I was reading The Someday Garden by Ashley Poston. And I’m loving it. But I put that aside because to start The House in the Cerulean Sea by T. J. Klune.

• The reason? Well, I searched for books with a story from the house’s point of view. That popped up. I may be, just may be thinking about writing a story about a “magical” house that knows when two people should be a couple and does things to push them together. Yeah, I know strange. Different. I’m still in the development stages. I promise if something good comes of it, you’ll be the first to know.

• Anyway, I put The House in the Cerulean Sea aside when I was gifted a copy of Love and Other Conspiracies, by Mallory Marlowe. A woman working for a company that produces web-based shows finds a man who’s deeply into conspiracy theories. Well, you had me at conspiracy. It’s fun and touching. Exactly what I love about a romcom.

What I’ve Been Writing…

Ah! That’s the question.

I’m slowly rewriting Love at the Speed of Light. I’ve given Alvin, co-owner of the Physics Café, a bit of a surprise.

• The story’s taking a different turn from what I originally envisioned. No, let me rephrase that. I had this idea all along, and should have just gone with it. So now the story is exactly where it was meant to be all along.

• And yes, Cassidy is still there. So are Alex and Blake, though their subplot changes substantially.

• And, yes, I am very happy with the new story line. I’ve just got to make sure of its timing.

What have you been reading? Have you got any recommendations?

Happy Reading!